Unraveling while Traveling
Or how I met Father Nathan Monk and decided to start my Substack, finally.
Sitting on a porch in Rhinebeck, New York
in an Adirondack rocking chair provided by the campus I’m staying on. I’m on a ‘retreat’. It sounds so… Unattainable? Not me? Could that be imposter syndrome, or is the teenage goth girl who fell in love with the Dresden Dolls screaming inside of me that “this isn’t who you are!”. I mean, all due respect, 17 year old Natalie inside of me, fuck that. Who the fuck am I?
I’m Natalie, I’m currently in the middle of trying to figure out
how to peel back the layers of what has made me who I am so that I can find some balance between the person I thought I wanted to be, the person I used to be, and the chaos goblin you see before you now. Some of the people who read this may be intimately familiar with my life, some may be finding me because they’re googling keywords that resonate with what they’re trying to find.
Fair warning, I cuss, all the fucking time.
I don’t believe “curse words” are offensive, inherently. If I say “hey, I really fucking like this pizza”, anyone who hears it should understand it is being used as a modifier to accentuate the delight I am experiencing in that moment. If I said “Hey, you’re a f**king dick because you don’t like this pizza”, well, that is not what I’m going for/not my attitude. It isn’t everyone’s flavor, but I feel like that should be presented pretty upfront.
Like plants? Like pets? Like reading train-wreck stories of overcoming adversity, or raising a nearly 3 year old?
Maybe, just maybe, you’ll find something you like here. Stick around, subscribe for free content, pay for a subscription if you just feel like supporting me (and feel like having access to my archives), or sign up as a “Founding Member” to have me write an essay on any topic you want.
You’ll be helping support me as an independent artist so that I can focus on creating the content that I want to, without worrying about how I’m going to afford to live in this economy with a kid, two dogs, three cats, some fish, and a husband who has a Magic: The Gathering habit that I like to support every once in a while. (I mean, my husband has a great job, but I, too, wish to support our existence and dig ourselves out of debt).
Natalie Serwan is a neurodivergent, queer mother in search of herself, her community, and for a reason to write. She lives near Philadelphia in a small town in the heart of Salem County, New Jersey, with her husband, toddler son, and a variety of pets. Natalie is a survivor of various forms of abuse, and left the Church of Scientology at the age of 17, and hopes that her experiences & distractions will help others find their voice.